


roses.

by snoopys



Category: MXM (Band), Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M, OngNiel are mentioned, Soulmates, complete angst, gwanghyun's such a nice friend, i didn't proofread someone kick me, please this isnt as long as i wanted it to be, pls feel sorry for donghyun, there's character death and mentions of blood pls be careful in reading
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 10:26:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14103348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snoopys/pseuds/snoopys
Summary: Donghyun's selfish, that's why.





	roses.

**Author's Note:**

> i swear, this didn't come out as long as i wanted it to be but i hope you all like it, i hope i succeeded in making you cry as well. I DID NOT PROOFREAD PLEASE FORGIVE ME IF THERE WERE ANY MISTAKES THANK YOU

It was at the late hours of the night when Donghyun decides to go home. His phone was flooded with texts asking him about his whereabouts. To be honest, Donghyun had no school matters to attend to, in fact he had finished every single paperwork that were due for about a week or so. He only wanted to be away for some reason. 

 

The rain pitter-pattered on the concrete ground quite loudly, Donghyun pulls his umbrella out of his bag and decides to make a run for it to cross the road. There were barely any streetlights open, and cars would only pass by occasionally. At this point, Donghyun felt alone.

 

He already  _ did  _ feel alone to begin with, losing his best friend to someone he barely knew hurt like the thorns in roses that could prick his fingers. Donghyun hated himself for being insensitive. Maybe Youngmin didn’t have any bad intentions at all, maybe he didn’t plan on replacing Donghyun at all, but Donghyun’s mind begs to differ and told him every negative outcome of all things. 

 

That led to today, Donghyun hadn’t told anyone what he would be doing, where would he be or what the hell could he be feeling. He slammed the door shut, aware of Youngmin's presence that morning, he didn’t want to know what Youngmin had to say about it, or to even think about it, he just wanted to be as far as he could be from him.

 

Cold. It was starting to get cold. Donghyun pulled his coat to hug him further, only a little more push would get him home, he’s not that far anymore. He tries to inhale, but he realizes it was starting to get difficult to even breathe.

 

Donghyun felt his knees weaken, he falls to the wet pavement, staining his jeans and the water seeps through, making his surroundings feel more frigid. His movements were starting to become slow as well, it’s hard, everything was harder to do, even to breathe. “F-Fuck Donghyun, you’re such a coward,” he mutters to himself, hissing at the pain. 

 

He’s sure he’s falling to a fever soon, he feels his throat starting to become sore, and he tries to stand up but to no avail, he couldn’t. 

 

He coughs out, an odd feeling settles into his system, he thinks the sandwich he had eaten a while ago was coming out of him and he can’t do anything to fight it back and he lets it out, but it’s soft, gentle, the aftertaste wasn’t on his tongue. 

 

Donghyun’s eyes widen at the sight before him, the rain gives the petals a darker color and he finds the puddles of water be painted with the color of crimson. There sat in front of his weak and frail form is a rose, the beauty of it and meaning behind it mocks Donghyun’s current state, hopelessly in love he is. And at that moment, Donghyun feels his whole body give up and shut down.

 

Everything is turned into darkness. There was black and then nothing at all.

  
  
  


The sunlight was in Donghyun’s eyes the moment he flutters them open, he blocks it with a hand, having to refrain himself from even asking someone to turn it off. “You’re awake!” Gwanghyun’s voice startles him, Donghyun feels incredibly warm, but cold at the same time. “You’re sick, so I think it’s best you lay down again.”

 

Gwanghyun gently lifts the comforter to Donghyun’s shoulders, placing the damp towel on his forehead. “Where were you? Youn-”

 

“Don’t even try saying his name, Gwanghyun,” Donghyun, with a hoarse voice, snarls. Gwanghyun stares at him in disbelief for a few seconds before nodding, “right, you’re not in good terms.” Donghyun hates it how sick he is, he already felt weak last night, right now he feels worse. Gwanghyun was always ready to lend a hand when he needs it, Donghyun’s thankful for it, but he wishes he wasn’t in bed with Gwanghyun acting like a mother.

 

Or he hates how it’s not Youngmin that’s doing all of this for him.

 

“He was still worried though,” Gwanghyun mumbles to break the ice, Donghyun rolls his eyes. “Like, really worried, he kept bugging me to call you or text you, Donghyun, I think Youngmin-” there’s a hand that slams on Donghyun’s bedside table, Gwanghyun gasps in shock and he finds Donghyun sitting up, glaring at him as his balled fist sits on the wooden table. 

 

“I told you not to say his name!” Donghyun says through gritted teeth, his eyes welling up with tears and Gwanghyun’s sulking in regret. Sometimes Donghyun feels everyone’s trying to hurt him on purpose, like the world versus him, and he couldn’t defend himself no matter what. Maybe because the person he least expects to hurt him, had given him the most pain he had ever felt his entire life. 

 

He hates to admit it but maybe it really is, maybe because the world didn’t hate him but Youngmin was everything he had and Youngmin had given all of him away. Donghyun’s not really the best in accepting reality, what more with the bitter reality he has to live his everyday with now. 

 

“Donghyun…” Gwanghyun softly calls, grabbing his hand from the table and he holds it with both of his hands, giving Donghyun a small smile. “You’ll be okay.”

 

And Donghyun hopes he will. As much as he needed to hear those words, he didn’t want to hear it from someone who hadn’t been the cause of the weight on his back. He takes it, finally cracking a smile but the pain was evident in it, even Gwanghyun can tell how hard it must’ve been. Donghyun pulls on his last string and cries.

 

Gwanghyun pulls him into his embrace, he smells like rain and roses, but Gwanghyun doesn’t give it much of his mind. 

  
  
  


“Oh my god, Donghyun have you been eating?!” Woojin pokes on his sad tummy, Donghyun groans. “Stop reminding me of my misery,” Donghyun pouts, running a hand through his already messy hair. Gwanghyun lets out an audible sigh, switching through channels in the TV, “he’s been eating, don’t worry about it.”

 

Woojin scoffs, pulling the refrigerator door open to find a lone can of soda, and aside from that it’s completely bare. “I’d like to believe that, Gwanghyun, but the refrigerator just told the truth,” he grabs the can of soda, making himself comfortable sitting on the kitchen counter. 

 

Donghyun rolls his eyes, very likely of him. He pushes Woojin off of the counter, he surprises both of them to know he still has strength even with how much he has sulked for the past few weeks. “Look, I think you need to find better coping mechanisms.”

 

Ever since Youngmin had moved out, Donghyun hadn’t had the time to work to get money and buy groceries. He had been living off of the lunch money his parents send him every month, and by living off, he had been wasting it with ice cream and sad films he hadn’t watched. Gwanghyun believes he needs some help but it’s not like Donghyun would accept anything they give to him.

 

“What do you mean? I’m completely fine,” Donghyun lies, Woojin doesn’t even have to press on him to find out whether he did tell the truth. From what Woojin sees, Donghyun’s vulnerable, he doesn’t know how much Youngmin matters to Donghyun, much yet that they were only best friends and that was easy to find a replacement for.

 

He’s confused, he can’t lie, Donghyun wasn’t one to take things to heart, even when he had been called a bad singer back then, Donghyun had never cried, never showed emotion other than happiness. It’s new to everyone to see him frowning the least, he never did frown when he was with them. 

 

That was until Woojin spots the letters on Donghyun’s wrist, they’re fading and it’s barely even visible now. Woojin grabs Donghyun’s arm, quite harshly as well and it makes Donghyun wince.

 

They spell Youngmin, the grey letters that mixed well with his skin spelled Youngmin and Woojin puts everything together to finally understand. Donghyun and Youngmin are soulmates. “You love him, don’t you?” Donghyun turns to Woojin with a heaving chest, his breathing was being cut short again and he wants to punch Woojin, for finding out, for knowing what Donghyun’s hardships were all about.

 

Sure, he loves Youngmin, that was why it all hurt so much. But he didn’t want anyone to know,, he didn’t want anyone to have pity for him when he really doesn’t need it. 

 

When he looks at Woojin, he remembers how great it was to live like before. “I do,” was all that left Donghyun’s lips before he tugs his arm off of Woojin’s grip and he stomps his way to his room. Gwanghyun and Woojin give each other knowing looks and that day, no one talked to Donghyun.

  
  
  


Daniel and Seongwoo were incredibly loud, Donghyun has to remind himself that many times that even his fingers don’t have to count it for him. Being in the arts club wasn’t what Donghyun exactly wants, he joined in hopes that he could be able to write songs, play the guitar, sing and dance too. What he wants isn’t what he always gets.

 

That doesn’t mean Donghyun hasn’t written songs, nor hasn’t he sung or danced, he had done all of that. Sadly he has Daniel and Seongwoo, his obnoxious clubmates who happen to flirt every single time they’re in the club room for a meeting. We get it, you’re soulmates, you’re happily in love and you all don’t have to spit out flowers.

 

Donghyun guesses he’s just bitter with all of this, he has quite a tongue when he finds soulmates in the halls. He’s good at holding back though, that’s great.

 

“Hey, want to help me paint this?” Gwanghyun offers a paintbrush to Donghyun, who had just finished giving Daniel and Seongwoo sour looks. Donghyun widens his eyes in surprise and reluctantly grabs the paintbrush from Gwanghyun’s hold, “What’s that?” Donghyun asks, painting the outside of the drawing. 

 

Gwanghyun looked proud of his work, he smiles as he paints the inside, he held a smaller brush compared to the one Donghyun’s using and he’s careful of his work, Donghyun really sees how much this meant to Gwanghyun. “That’s a daisy,” Gwanghyun mutters, busying himself with the white paint that decorates his skin.

 

Donghyun stares at it, finding a wonderfully drawn daisy on the board. “You know who helped me with drawing by the way, I didn’t want to tell you but you might hate it helping him with his grades. I don’t know why we even chose a daisy to draw but it’s nice, isn’t it?”

 

“Youngmin told me he really likes how we drew it, he said it’s pretty and it reminds him a lot about…” Donghyun blinks thrice, his vision blurred out for a moment and he hesitates to even hear the name of what or who Gwanghyun about to say, he prepares for it anyway. Gwanghyun glances at him before he continues, “you.”

 

There’s a laugh that rips out of Donghyun’s throat, it wasn’t intentional, he didn’t want to believe it. He’s been fed up with enough lies, but somehow that relieved a part of him. That Youngmin still thinks of him, that Youngmin still remembers him.  _ Thank you. _

 

Maybe Donghyun wants to rip this drawing apart, step on it, set it on fire. Youngmin was capable of many things, when he wants to do it, he tries his best to do it. Donghyun hates Youngmin, he really does, but the daisy in front of him is telling him that maybe Youngmin really didn’t want any of it to end.

 

And somehow, Donghyun wishes he’d spit out daisies instead. Maybe it would hurt less.

  
  
  


“Kim Donghyun,” Daehwi snaps his fingers in front of his friend’s face. He’s worried Donghyun had completely drifted away from the world, and he’s resorted to shaking the life out of him. Thankfully, Donghyun snaps out of his reverie, haven’t noticed how he had been holding his breath the entire time.

 

“Oh Daehwi…” he smiles, glad to see a friend of his, Daehwi’s worried expression was immediately replaced with one of relief. “Where are the others? Why are you alone?” Daehwi asks, still not moving out of Donghyun’s face. He pushes the younger away, with a small grin, “will you sit down fi-”

 

Suddenly, the skies are darker, the land had gone dry and Donghyun’s face show nothing but pure anger and sadness. Behind Daehwi this whole time was  _ him.  _ Youngmin held a flower all too familiar to Donghyun and as the rose twirls in Youngmin’s fingers and faces him, Donghyun feels pain striking his insides.

 

He balls his fists, tears he thought he was done with are back, it’s all coming back to him. His hardwork of forgetting everything for weeks down the drain, and he wants to grab the rose from Youngmin, burn its petals and drop it in hell itself. It hurts, so much, that it couldn’t be helped and Donghyun’s gripping the grass and they’re all covered in blood, rose petals falling out of his mouth. 

 

“W-What are you doing here?!” He shouts, facing up to the boy who was all the reason behind all of this. Youngmin’s face was screaming horror, and deep inside there was concern, fighting back the urge to help Donghyun up. Donghyun looked helpless, even Daehwi couldn’t do anything even if he wanted to. Donghyun starts to sob and more rose petals come out, Youngmin’s hoping for it to stop.

 

“I said, what are you doing here?!” Donghyun screams again, his voice having a harsher tone compared to a while ago. Youngmin backs away a little and he opens his mouth to reply but he had nothing to answer, he went just to check up on Donghyun, he can’t lie, he misses Donghyun a lot. 

 

“You’re killing me… just go.”

“Donghyun-”

“Youngmin, just go, you won’t be able to help me!”

 

And Youngmin leaves, the petals stopped fighting their way out of him and all he can do was cry.

  
  
  


“I have a really nice playlist you can listen to,” Gwanghyun happily claps his hands, handing Donghyun his phone. Donghyun kindly declines, handing Gwanghyun back the device. “I’m as calm as I can ever be, I don’t need it.” It’s Monday, Gwanghyun and Donghyun don’t have any classes for today.

 

Back then, they would spend their Mondays with a big bowl of popcorn, which would eventually be on the floor waiting to be vacuumed once the sun rises, and a big pile of DVD’s all three of them had already watched sat beside the sofa they all would lay down on for hours and hours until the day’s end.

 

But Youngmin was no longer under the same roof, the DVD’s were all taken to the basement and Donghyun had gone completely broke to the point even popcorn kernels were hard to earn money for.

 

Donghyun used to never chase after deadlines as well, he used to always do things once they were given and they were done before the deadline would even come. Now, he has a bunch of post-it’s stuck to his board in front of his study table, none of the titles listed on them were ticked. Donghyun wasn’t himself at all.

 

It’s been awhile since everything had changed. Adjustments were done the day it all had came but Donghyun was poor at it, everyone can clearly see that by the way.

 

He’s been losing sleep, he hasn’t been eating right (and that’s because of the roses that get in the way all the time.) and even if his friends worry until they die, Donghyun can not be helped. It hasn’t been long until they realized this wasn’t any friends for friend kind of situation, it’s either Donghyun solves this or he lets himself be covered in rose petals, he meets his death.

 

They’ve talked about it and they think it only takes some convincing before Donghyun finally wakes up and decides everything all at once. That’s why Gwanghyun’s preparing himself to face his past, if it could lift Donghyun up, it’s all worth it. 

 

Gwanghyun looks down to his wrist, finding the skin that used to have a name inked on it clean. He smiles, “I hate to break it to you but you’re really not good with this,” Gwanghyun mumbles. Donghyun only nods, he knows that, he doesn’t have to be told that he is. Gwanghyun lightly rubs his skin with his thumb, “I used to be like you, I loved him so much, he made me cry for numerous days, I thought I would die and I couldn’t stop the daisies.”

 

“Wait what?”

“Donghyun, I survived the hanahaki. Everyone thought it was the end of me, They told me I’ll be done for and I won’t ever be able to forget him, the daisies will always come out no matter how hard I try to fight it. One morning, I woke up and I realized I can force myself to not care and I had forgotten that I used to have daisies coming out of me until I realized they don’t come out anymore.”

 

There was silence when Gwanghyun stops speaking, Donghyun stares at the photo of Youngmin beside a photo of his own. It’s funny how even when others say it’s easy, Donghyun will always find signs that tell him it’ll never be easy because it was never meant to be. He puts Youngmin’s photo down and faces Gwanghyun with a smile.

 

“For you, I guess, you’re really in love with him before you even found out fate decided you were perfect for each other. I’m sorry about that, but you have to learn to forget about him, Donghyun. You have to.”

  
  
  
  


“Sir, wait!” he hasn’t ran in such a long time. Donghyun’s stupid to have just noticed now. He feels his legs become jelly, he doesn’t even know how running can be such a foreign act to do now. “Ugh, sir, please!” he screams, forcing his legs to their extent until he crashes to the ground, panting.

 

_ Damn it, damn it, damn it. _

 

It’s obvious Donghyun wasn’t used to cramming at all. He finished the paper in one go, running with the speed of light and regretting it in an instant. He watches as his teacher’s form disappears from his sight and he stands up, crumpling the paper in hand before throwing it away. “That looked important,”  he hears before he could walk away.

 

He turns around to find Jung Sewoon, the man Youngmin chose over him, the man that happens to be the reason why Youngmin’s forgotten what he really was. Donghyun didn’t have the heart to hate Sewoon though, “It  _ was _ important,” Donghyun mutters, looking down to his feet and Sewoon slowly walks up to him to hand back the paper. 

 

“T-Thanks,” he stutters.

 

Sewoon smiles, ruffling Donghyun’s hair. There are roses again that threatened to come out and he’s scared he’d splatter it all to Sewoon, who seems so innocent but he wasn’t. He gulps, praying that it worked, even just for the time that Sewoon’s here. Maybe it came out because what Sewoon did was what Youngmin used to always do when Donghyun’s done good enough.

 

When Donghyun brings home an award, Youngmin would smile and ruffle his hair.

When Donghyun cooks a great meal, Youngmin would smile and ruffle his hair.

When Donghyun’s tired and falls asleep on Youngmin’s lap, Youngmin would smile, ruffle his hair and plant a kiss on his forehead.

 

“You really do look like you’re going through a lot,” Sewoon speaks out of the blue, waking Donghyun up from the memories that played in his head. “I’m sorry, Donghyun,” Sewoon frowns. Donghyun wants him to take it back, Donghyun doesn’t want it, but he doesn’t know how to not sound rude.

 

Sure, Sewoon was the cause of it all. The name on Youngmin’s wrist being replaced with his own name, the roses that pricked the insides of Donghyun’s body, the sadness that radiated out of Donghyun’s presence, of everything else, but Donghyun didn’t want him to apologize, because it was never their fault for falling in love.

 

Neither was it his fault he was hurting.

 

It wasn’t Donghyun’s fault he couldn’t let go, why the letters on his wrist hadn’t completely faded. It was never his fault why everytime he sees Youngmin he has to reassure himself that it’ll all be okay eventually. He flashes a smile towards Sewoon, the one that he always had on back then, he looked fine for a moment. “Tell Youngmin I said thanks.”

  
  
  


Donghyun never forgets anything. He had post-it’s flooding every part of his room, that helped a lot. He never forgets  _ anything  _ except for the time, that’s why his alarm clock was going off at an incredibly loud volume that even his neighbors were awake but he was still sound asleep, too comfortable in bed that is.

 

His eyes not at all pleasantly crack open, profanities coming out of his lips as he turns to look at the time. He rushes to brush his teeth and put on shoes. Today was the day of Gwanghyun’s exhibit, and he can’t miss it for the world (even if Youngmin’s there, he still can’t miss it.)

 

Donghyun runs, and running was clearly not his thing. Though at this point he can care less and even if his feet give in, Donghyun would get to school on time. He still had fifteen minutes to get there anyway.

 

“Do you think he’s coming?” Youngmin asks, merely smashing the bottle in hand, he’s nervous and Gwanghyun knows that. Gwanghyun, on the other side of things, smiles, “I’m sure he will. He can be late but Donghyun never not comes when he says he will,” he gives his friend a pat on the back before walking to accompany the teachers on checking the other paintings.

 

Youngmin’s left there sitting on the bench, admiring the daisy painting him and Gwanghyun worked hard for It’s really pretty, Youngmin thought.  Everything about it reminded him of Donghyun, it really did. He’s unsure of the reason why, but everytime Youngmin looks at it he remembers Donghyun and it dawns on him once again, that he misses Donghyun a lot and if he could apologize without having to see Donghyun suffering, he would do it.

 

Youngmin checks his watch for the umpteenth time, worried Donghyun decides to bail out. They hadn’t seen each other since that incident, Youngmin had no knowledge of whatever was happening with Donghyun and he hopes if he sees him this time, he can be able to sleep peacefully knowing Donghyun’s alright.

 

That was all Youngmin went here for. He had been a big help with Gwanghyun’s paintings and he’s welcomed as much as he wants to be to come today, but he decided he’d come just to check on Donghyun and if he’s lucky, they could talk as well and Youngmin could go home and spend the rest of the day with Sewoon.

 

Donghyun, at long last, reaches the school gym, a minute before the actual opening ceremony and he pushes the doors open. Despite of how grand his entrance was, it didn’t quite gain much attention (and thank God it didn’t.) but it did tire him to the point Donghyun’s catching his breath as he slowly,  _ slowly  _ falls to the ground.

 

It didn’t quite gain much attention but it gained unwanted attention.

 

“Donghyun! Donghyun, why the hell did you even fucking run?! Remember what I told you, to fucking breathe--Donghyun! Come on buddy, you have to breathe.” Oh, how Donghyun wants to punch himself for even pulling a stunt like that, he could’ve just called for a cab, took the bus. Maybe he was that desperate to ever be enough to his friends that he had to do such a thing. Now, here’s his reward.

 

He knows that voice from anywhere. The only voice he’d do anything just to hear everyday, the only voice he would cry for just to hear them say the words he needs to hear. “Youngmin,” it came out like a sob, the longing for him had been poured out into that one call for his name. There’s a smile on Youngmin’s lips before he pulls Donghyun into a tight hug. “Donghyun, come on breathe, it’ll be okay.”

 

Donghyun pushes Youngmin away; he tries so hard to look strong, there were no tears streaming down his face even if the thorns rip at his throat for a time he can no longer tell. “No, it won’t be.” And with that, Donghyun stands and looks for Gwanghyun in the crowd, wrapping his arms around his friend’s waist and cries.

 

Gwanghyun had a great exhibit, Youngmin went home once it was over with.

  
  
  


It was the late hours of the night when Donghyun decides to go home, his phone was flooded with texts asking him about his whereabouts. To be honest, Donghyun had plenty of other matters to attend to but he decided it was best to set this as his first priority. It was better to put himself at ease before drowning in many other things that could be a cause of his death instead of this hanahaki he despises with his entire being.

 

After hours of laying on the ground of his room, be it day or night, where he would wake up with his whole body in agony. It had been getting worse, Donghyun couldn’t get any shut eye without having to wake up minutes later just to pull out not just petals but even thorns from his throat. 

 

Everytime he did it, blood would always come along with it, the leaves that used to be green were now as red as the flower it was with. Sometimes, Donghyun would feel fear, he had only let out a whole rose the first time but recently, every single day he would let out a rose in its full glory, giving him pain he could only compare to hell.

 

They come minute by minute, second by second, to the point he has to run while coughing. He leaves a trail of blood and rose petals behind him, he’s sure anyone can find him now. 

 

He wanted to do something about it, he admits it’s horrid and that he can no longer take it, he has to give up. Right now, Donghyun’s willing to listen to whatever Youngmin has to say, he could die like this, in front of Youngmin, in his arms if he’s blessed enough. The problem was, Youngmin didn’t show up. 

 

Donghyun wanted to go home, but he’s too far away and he might just die on the way there. He takes a seat on the pavement, harsh coughs echoing in the empty streets. It was dark, cold.

 

There are sudden droplets, and they become plenty until the rain pitter-pattered on the concrete ground quite loudly. Donghyun has no umbrella with him, and the petals that were on his laps are drenched with the rain. It was the best time to cry, Donghyun felt alone, and that the only thing that held onto him until he died were these roses, and they were the ones that killed him too.

 

He hoped Gwanghyun wouldn’t take it gravely, that Donghyun had lost, that he decided to just be swallowed by all of this instead of handling it the way he did. Gwanghyun was amazing, Donghyun could never match up to him.

 

There was no use of hoping for better things for himself, Donghyun’s health was already at a level similar to zero, his life was falling apart little by little and that even to his friends, he had to prove his worth. This soulmate thing does ruin lives, and Donghyun wishes he’s the last victim of it, fate can be a big joke, and it spat its big laugh into Donghyun’s face.

 

It is funny when Donghyun thinks of it. He was so selfish, he didn’t want Youngmin to have other friends. If he hadn’t been so paranoid, maybe Youngmin wouldn’t have left him and that the hanahaki wouldn’t have come for him if he had accepted the fact they’re just friend by now. If he hadn’t been holding on to nothing maybe Youngmin’s name had already vanished from his skin and the roses had left his system forever.

 

It’s funny, up until now, Donghyun’s still holding onto him. Even until his last breath.

 

“You wanted to talk?” the pitter-patter quiets down a little, enough for his voice to be audible to Donghyun’s almost deaf ears. With closed eyes, Donghyun smiles, sticking his tongue out to reveal another rose petal covered in crimson. “Will you let me dream for once? I thought you’d never come and I’d have to die with just the thought of you, you ruin everything.”

 

Youngmin kneels down, allowing his umbrella to cover for the both of them. “Donghyun, what’s happening to you?”

 

He flutters his eyes open, finding his one true love looking broken, Donghyun’s smile doesn’t leave his lips. “I don’t know,” he replies, the rain pouring harder once again, making everything less audible but how come he can still hear Youngmin’s voice all too well? “What do you mean you don’t know, Donghyun?! What do you want from me?!! Fine, here, I’m fucking worried, and I hope you stop treating me like you’re some bitch I haven’t been friends with for years. I’m sorry, Donghyun, okay?!” Youngmin screams, eyebrows furrowed as his grip on the umbrella tightens.

 

Donghyun coughs out petals before he speaks, there’s the glint in his eyes that told Youngmin he had ran out of hope, and there was no way to restore it. “No, I meant I don’t know anymore, I’m completely aware of what’s happening to me, I’m dying, Youngmin, there’s no one to love me, I’m all alone and the roses will kill me despite of all that.”

 

“What do you mean there’s no one to love you? Donghyun, I’m here, I lo-”

“You don’t. That’s where it all started, Youngmin, I wouldn’t be like this if you  _ truly did.  _ You don’t love me, Youngmin.”

 

Confusion was all that spun around Youngmin’s head. No matter how much he tries to understand what Donghyun’s words mean, he will never be able to get a good hold on them. He stammers, “w-what… what do you mean, D-Donghyun, y-you’re my best friend, I, I’ve always loved you, you matter the most to me, you don’t know how, how much it hurts to know you don’t care anymore.:

 

Donghyun chuckles, “that’s it. I’m your best friend.”

 

He lifts his wrist to view, he can still read the letters that were barely there anymore. That meant he had very little time to stay, that one whole rose could have his entire life in exchange and he looks at Youngmin again, tears spilled out of his eyes with another chuckle leaving his lips. “I love you, Donghyun, please don’t leave me.”

 

“You love Sewoon,” he snaps, cupping his face into both of his hands and anger settles into Youngmin’s system that he screams, “you can’t be serious right now, Donghyun! You’re jealous of Sewoon? You want me to break up with him and stay with you instead? Donghyun, I love him too, he’s my boyfrie-”

 

“He’s the only person you loved, you want him, you need him. That’s something I had to achieve but I never could!” The rain was calming down, the umbrella was no longer needed but Youngmin still held onto it, it’s the only time he could protect Donghyun and he’s making the most out of it.

 

“You were my soulmate, Youngmin, I know I used to mean the world to you too but to me, you mean more than that. I love you so bad, you let my heart shatter and be replaced with these fucking roses, I feel so mocked, Youngmin, you left me, you were the one who no longer cared! I love you so much, I miss you so much but did you ever think I felt like that?”

 

It finally rips at his throat, it was coming. The pain that Donghyun was all used to was about to take him whole by now. Donghyun balls his fists, for once he had to stop them. Youngmin had to know first, he can’t die just yet.

 

“Thanks for loving me, anyway. Maybe just once, for a moment in your life, you loved me more than just as your best friend. I’d take whatever I can get,” Donghyun mumbles, his words were hard to understand from how much he had to suppress the rose from making its way out of his body. “I’m screwed, huh? Sorry that I can’t stay longer, it’s been nice though.”

 

It rips out of him entirely, there’s a rose that lands on the ground before Youngmin catches Donghyun’s body into his embrace. The umbrella long forgotten, Youngmin falls as he holds onto Donghyun, oblivious to the fact that the letters on Donghyun’s wrist were no longer there, and all Youngmin could do was hold him until he still can.

  
  
  
  
  
  



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